Hi Rachel, this, is Elizabeth, John’s
wife. First, I just want to let you know that I don’t have anything personal
against you. In fact, all I have for you is a great respect. I believe with all my heart that you are an
awesome person living your life doing your very best every second of every
single day.
I just want you to imagine for a
moment how you would feel if you were married for 30 years, raised 3 children
and suddenly your husband started to prefer, meet, and spend substantial amount
of time with young adults, rather than the children you have together; started
to call them a family and expected everyone else to embrace them as his long
lost children.
Or how would you feel if you were
an 18 years old, growing up as the only girl with two older brothers, having a
dad who has a great job and takes really good care of your family financially,
spends lot of time at work, and in the free time he has, chooses to pursue his
own hobbies that have nothing to do with your family. You secretly dream that
he would be joining you on your fun family outings and vacations. All these are
just wishful dreams that scarcely become reality. You start feeling anxious and
confess to your high school counselor who suggests looking at the positive
qualities of your parents. You hope your anxieties will diminish on their own.
Instead, you start experiencing signs of borderline panic attacks. You decide
to seek professional counseling that you keep a secret from your dad and
brothers, because you are afraid of their reaction. You are not sure how much
counseling helps you. At least you start considering yourself blessed having
two older brothers who protect you and often fill in for dad. You leave the
only home you knew all your life. You take the first steps towards your independence;
start college and then a new set of anxieties sets in. You don’t know it, but
all your dad wants to do is to break a bombshell news to you: there are
multiple adults out there, who are your brothers and sisters, welcome them with
open arms and love them as your own siblings.
If this scenario would be exciting
and thrilling for you, kudos to you. However, it is not for me. John is aware
of the fact that I don’t support his engaging in father-daughter/son
relationships with you or any other of his donor offspring, which is in my
opinion very unhealthy. Although he knows my boundaries, he still proceeds
with, what is in my opinion, emotionally intruding on lives of the people he
helped to conceive and who have families and relatives of their own just as we
have ours. I find it very unfair to our own children, and, therefore, I am
asking you one thing, and one thing only: please stay away from any kind of
contact with my children, Adam, David, and Emily.
When John signed up for being a
sperm donor, it was purely out of financial need. That was all he signed up
for. Not to start introducing genetically related strangers as his own children
and our children’s siblings 30 years later. Unfortunately, now he chooses to
proceed differently, and doesn’t take into consideration feelings of his true
family. That’s his choice. However, I
refuse to let anyone else that I deeply care about be dragged along just to fulfill
his and your own needs. I hope you understand and please keep this
confidential.
I apologize if I offended you in
any way. It wasn’t my intention at all. I just wanted you to know my side of
the story.
I wish you all the best, Elizabeth
